"Women On Top" by Nancy Friday (New York Times Bestselling Author)
When I purchased this book, I was expecting something entirely different than what I got. Yes, I knew I was going to read what women had to say about their innermost personal and private thoughts (their sexual fantasies, which I knew would be interesting.
However, what I didn't predict was a fascinating history lesson of sorts about how women's attitudes and feelings about sex have changed since the sexual revolution of the 70's. What a phenomenal learning experience!
The author of this New York Times best-selling book is Nancy Friday who has written several books on sexual-related subjects. Her original one was called "My Secret Garden" and was published in 1973. This book was also about women's sexual fantasies (which reflected the times that women lived in). What a roller-coaster ride women have gone through sexually since that unprecedented time in history!
In the late 1960's, when Nancy first decided to write about women's sexual fantasies, she had quite a task on her hands. The subject was unbroken ground. She struggled to find references to women's sexual fantasies in some of the world's top libraries (having millions of books) and found not one word about the sexual imagery of women. In her research, she sought out and interviewed dozens of psychologists and psychiatrists who informed her that she was searching in vain. She was told that "Only men have sexual fantasies". "Women hadn't been brought up to enjoy sex. . . .women are by and large destitute of sexual fantasy".
She even interviewed actual women and was asked (by these women) what a sexual fantasy was. They would ask her why they needed to have sexual fantasies as they loved their husbands and had a great sex life.
After three years of very slow-going research, it was only after she invited women (through advertisements in several publications) to contribute and tell their stories, that she finally had enough feedback and information to write her book. An excerpt from "Women On Top" says "Timing is everything. When there is an absolute need to know something, when an intellectual void must be filled, we will accept what only moments earlier we'd rejected for centuries".
Women were tired of living the "Madonna/Whore" theory (or the "Good Girl/Bad Girl" split). This time period in the 1960's was building into the explosion of the women's movement and the sexual revolution. In the brief time in the 1970's and early 1980's, women were starting to enjoy both sex and work outside the home. It was truly an exciting time!
However that time period was brief. As we know from history, it takes time and lots of work to change deeply embedded sexual taboos and many women from that time slid back into the more traditional men/women roles and wrote off that season in their lives as being young, carefree and wild.
However, the next generation is a different story. This generation has grown up in a world full of sexual images which are everywhere. There's no escaping the billboards, books, movies, music videos, television shows, magazine ads which seem to suggest that sex is a given, therefore it must be okay. Sex is a selling tool and we as a society want to be doing what everyone else is doing (it's human nature). I'm not saying that everyone is out there making bad decisions sexually but the attitude about sex is more relaxed and less uptight than in past history.
Women are slowly fighting back against sexual repression but it's going to take more than a generation of sexy ads. This book delves deep into the guilt and the subconscious struggle women still have between having to be mama's good little girl (on the one hand) and proudly owning our entitlement to feel good about our sexual uniqueness (whatever that means for each one of us) on the other.
The actual sexual fantasies (written by actual women) in the book reflect these struggles. And they are very different from women's fantasies back in the 60's and 70's. It's a fascinating way to see how women have (and have not) evolved in the sexual battlefield.
Every woman needs to buy this book. It will make you think, it will enlighten you and you just might find something in it that speaks to you on a very personal level. Plus, you'll find the actual fantasies very engaging and entertaining!
