Have an Amazing Sex Life and Be a Great Mom Too!

First Off, What is Sexuality (Mom or Not)?

Sexuality a crucial part of who we are! It's deeply spiritual and what makes us creatively original. It charges us with loving energy and gives us a sense of inner strength and well-being. Whether you're having sex three times a day or can't remember the last time you did, your erotic nature is inherently a part of who are. Your identity as a sexual being is your entitlement and that's not negotiable!

Just because you become a mom, don't let this entitlement slip away. Cultural conditioning dictates that upon giving birth, mothers should put their sexual desires on the back burner and their lives should become all about their children (after all motherhood is all about self-sacrifice).

It takes a strong backbone and lots of persistence to challenge these cultural pressures and ideals. Yes, it's a fact that we all go through natural cycles of sexual activity (it's human nature), but no one is ever justified in making you feel that once you attain motherhood, sexuality becomes less important in your life.

The Motherhood Identity Crisis

Becoming a mother can present a serious "loss of one's self". Mothers are expected and encouraged to put all their exertion into bonding with their babies. It's a beautiful, natural instinct that we, as moms, have, but it should NOT use up every ounce of our energy and leave room for nothing else. In fact, that can lead to an unhealthy balance in one's life. If you repress your sexuality, you lose a very important part of yourself.

Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, she is suddenly treated differently by men (and women who haven't yet had children). All of a sudden it's as if she has reduced skills, reduced intelligence and less of a commitment to the things that matter (such as a career, money, etc.). Now that she's become a "mother", it seems she's "less important" and can certainly no longer be an "object of desire".

Maintaining your own identity (and refusing to agree with this cultural nonsense) is crucial to your own health mentally as well as to the health of your relationships. Losing your sense of "self" is not only frustrating (and lonely) but can lead to an attitude that your desires (sexual and otherwise) don't matter as long as you're giving everything you have to your children.

One of your greatest challenges as a mother is walking that fine line between being selfless and being selfish. Part of a healthy selfishness is recognizing that kids can't (and shouldn't) be expected to fulfill your needs for emotional and sexual intimacy. That's up to you.

The "Celebrity Mom" Syndrome (Ughh)

It doesn’t help when we see celebrity moms in the media who are living lifestyles completely unattainable to the rest of us. They're considered "sexy moms" because they dress stylishly and exude glamour and their bodies look as if they never, ever had a child! They also have the money for nannies, personal trainers and plastic surgeons (which is not reality for most people). Normal moms cannot relate to this and so they find the idea of sexy motherhood almost depressing. If motherhood means keeping a perfectly clean house and raising cute, perfect kids while looking like a supermodel, who wouldn't feel like a failure? It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Fighting Back: Why Moms Make Better Lovers

Some mothers have found that becoming a parent inspires them with a new sexual confidence and vitality. A renewed respect for their bodies, an increased capacity for love, and a powerful connection to humanity, are the reasons women cite most often for the improved self-image that unites the best of their maternal and sexual selves.

The qualities that make women good mothers are also the qualities that make them good lovers (such as caring, nurturing and generosity). Having a child can teach women the true meaning of "intimacy". Being a mother also instructs women on how to handle intense closeness and complete trust. Some women find that these intimate feelings can spill over into their sense of "sexual intimacy". Yes, the two are very much intertwined.

A quote from "Sexy Mamas" by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans states: "Nothing will improve your self image quite like bucking the system, asserting your individuality, and reclaiming your right to sex as a woman and a mother." This attitude challenges those around you and encourages them to see you in a different light.

It's All About YOUR Attitude!

So you might be saying, wow, I had my babies and I didn't feel this empowerment and sexual freedom at all. In fact, I find myself really not very interested in sex at all. What should I do?

Your sexuality has the capacity to bring you the same vitality and joy that your children do, but you have to allow it to do just that. You can most definitely turn this around and start feeling like the strong, sexy, hot momma that you are! It's all about your attitude and has to come from within you. It's also about refusing to believe the stuff you absorb about the separation of moms and great sex! Only you can change this. You need to just decide that you and your partner deserve a great sex life and strive towards making that happen. This just might involve facing some of your insecurities head-on.

Instead of looking at your post-baby body and concentrating on the extra pounds, stretch marks and less perky breasts, celebrate your body and respect it for what it has done by going through childbirth (definitely no small feat). When you think about it that way it's really amazing isn't it? Instead of criticizing your body, you should really be in awe of what it's capable of by producing the little miracles that are your children.

When you stop judging yourself and trying to "measure up" and begin exploring your unique sexuality, you'll find your self-esteem climbing and you'll be on an exciting journey to a more fulfilling sex life. Your partner is going to be pretty excited too!