Sensual Massage
Sensually speaking, of our five senses, touch is one of the most important and sometimes also one of the most overlooked.
Touch is a source of healing, nurturing and comfort. It's the first sense we develop while we're still in the womb. During infancy and early childhood, touching (especially from our parents) is absolutely essential to normal and healthy physical and emotional development.
In this busy and stressful day and age, we have lost the concept that touch and the physical connection with others is vital to our adult emotional health and well being as well. Our bodies and our souls crave it and most of the time we don't get nearly enough of it. In fact by the time some of us reach adulthood, the only set of circumstances where we think about giving and receiving "touch" is within the confines of our sexual relationships. This can leave us with a general feeling of emptiness and of being somehow disconnected. Touch provides us with warmth and a feeling of being a part of something larger than ourselves.
The act of sex, in itself, does not provide us with a sense of being loved and appreciated on an intimate level. That's why casual sex, as exiting as it can be for some people, leaves others with a feeling of letdown and disappointment and a sense of something missing.
Some of us think that sexuality and sensuality are one in the same. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sensuality is a word to describe the body and mind's ability to give and receive pleasure. We use our bodies to express our sensitivity to the needs of those we love and we use our sensuality to be spontaneous and keep our relationships fresh and exciting. This keeps us from getting bored and frustrated.
Sensual massage is the touch of love that can develop an intimacy and closeness with your partner that, over time, can create a deeper bond between the two of you. This physical connection can either be used as a prelude to lovemaking (it's wonderful foreplay) or can just be an expression of tenderness between two people. When you feel warm and loving towards someone, it is a natural response to want to touch and caress. Sensual massage creates the perfect opportunity to explore and discover the things about each other's bodies that bring about exquisite sensations and also the ultimate in deep relaxation.
It's a gift and an expression to your loved one that says: I am here with you in this moment. I care about your needs and what makes you feel good. I am not in a rush and I'm not worrying or thinking about anything outside of this room. It is only us right here, right now and you have my undivided attention. How beautiful is that?
The word "massage" invokes different ideas in different people. Some people think of it as only something you go get at a doctor's or chiropractor's office when your back and neck aches from an old car accident injury. Others see it as an opportunity to be pampered at a spa - the ultimate in luxury and maybe even the idea of spoiling themselves a little. Yet, in others, it brings something sexual to mind. We've all heard of the sexually-based massages with "special favors" or "happy endings" which, by the way, are illegal in reputable massage establishments. These, indeed, are all forms of massage.
However, the type of sensual massage we're referring to here is an intimate total body experience between two people who want to express their feelings of love and caring for each other. Did you know that the ENTIRE body can be an erogenous zone? Sensual massage can help you discover other areas on the body besides the genitals that can provide physical pleasure. Our skin is our largest organ and on every inch of our skin, from head to toe, we have nerve endings which transmit different types of sensations (some subtle and some very intense) upon being touched and stroked. This gives us a lot of area to cover. Can you see how the possibilities are endless and how exciting it can be?
How Does One Begin to Give a Sensual Massage?
It's important to create the right environment for a sensual massage. Pick a time and place where the two of you can be alone, uninterrupted, for a few hours. Feeling rushed can take all the enjoyment out of your sensual massage and defeats the whole purpose. You don't want to be watching the clock or thinking about outside forces. Unplug the phone. Quiet privacy is a must. You don't want to be hearing kids running up and down the halls outside of your door.
You might want to begin your massage with a relaxing candle-lit bubble bath. Maybe have a glass of wine. Whatever puts you into "relax" and "set the mood" mode. Also, when the body is clean and smells nice, it's so much sexier.
Ambience is very important. Choose a room where you can adjust the lighting and temperature. A warm, comfortable environment is imperative. A person's body heat drops quickly when they are lying still and being cold is not comfortable. It's difficult to relax and can cause tension in the body. Lighting some nicely-scented candles and turning on slow, quiet background music can be nice touches also.
The place your partner is going to lie down needs to be firm and supportive and the space around it needs to be clean, uncluttered and easily accessible all the way around by the person giving the massage. A bed can be used, but if it's got a soft mattress, you'll find that when you apply pressure to the person's body, it won't be supportive enough, which can be very uncomfortable. It's also a bit difficult sometimes to actually move around a bed and have access to your partner from all angles. This is especially so when the bed is large and/or if one side is up against a wall. Consider using other platforms such as soft rugs, futons, a human-sized piece of foam rubber or even temporarily taking your mattress off the bed and placing it on the floor. Whatever you use, cover it with a clean sheet to avoid dripping oil on it.
Important Sensual Massage Supplies to Gather Beforehand
Make sure you have plenty of clean sheets, blankets, towels and pillows handy. You don't want to be interrupted by having to run to the linen closet or bathroom to get what you need. Use sheets that can be laundered easily. They will be getting massage oil on them so it's probably not the best time to bring out your expensive satin ones.
The pillows can be great to support certain areas of the body such as under the back of the knees while lying on their back, or just under the knees when lying on their stomach. Some people may need pillows or cushions strategically placed in other areas to make them comfortable. For example, a woman with large breasts who has discomfort lying on her stomach might find a pillow against her upper ribcage makes this easier.
The blankets are necessary to cover the parts of the body you are not massaging so they don't get cold. The towels come in handy to wipe off excess oil from your partner's body or your hands. You might also want to have some tantalizing little "extras" lying around to experiment and surprise with such as feathers, furr mitts and silk scarves. Some people find these textures enjoyable. Consider battery-powered or electronic massagers as well. It's nice to have some variety and these can give your hands and arms a break from time to time.
A good massage oil or lotion is essential. Be sure you have enough for the entire session. Use something that smells nice and feels good on the skin. You need to be able to glide your hands against your partner's skin without any pulling or dragging.
Sensual Massage Guidelines
Everyone can give a good, effective sensual massage. Indeed, some techniques need to be learned and practiced but what's more important than technique is your own personal expression and what pleases your partner. If the sensation feels good to him, you are doing something correctly. Don't worry if your technique is not perfect. Keep changing the rhythm, pressure and tempo. Repeating a stroke in the exact same manner over and over becomes boring both to you and your partner.
When in doubt, lighter pressure is better but allow your partner to openly verbalize what feels good and what doesn't. Be especially gentle in any tender or injured places or exclude them altogether. Again allow your partner to let you know when it hurts. Don't take any of this personally. Look at it as a beautiful learning experience and store this information for the next time. When it's time for you to be the recipient you'll want to be able to express yourself in this way as well.
Let's Talk About Your Hands
Most people don't realize what an important role their hands play in expressing their feelings for their loved one. The manner in which you apply your hands to your partner's body is significant during a sensual massage. The hands are wonderful tool for accomplishing an amazing sensual massage. The ways you can use your fingers, thumbs and palms to yield to the shapes, peaks, valleys and contours of your partner's body is a powerful feeling for you and can be intensely pleasurable for him. Think of your partner's body as clay in your hands. Blend your movements together avoiding jerky motions and quick jumps from one point to another on the body. Use full hand contact whenever possible and maintain a continuous flow.
Use this opportunity to become more aware of your hands. Quickly rub them together for a few minutes and feel the warmth they create. Feel the tingling in them when you stop. It's as if they are charged with electricity. You might want to massage your own hands and do finger exercises on a regular basis to keep them supple and responsive. You might even try experimenting with your touch against different parts of your own body. See what it feels like using your full hand with your fingers together (not spread apart). Then see how your skin responds to each of your fingers, fingernails, thumbs and palms. This is not a bad idea as it can give you a sense of what your hands will feel like to your partner.
Now Put Your Hands on your Partner
When your partner is on his stomach, start with applying a small amount of oil to your hands as opposed to pouring it directly onto his skin (which can feel cold and alarming). Rub your hands together a few times to warm the oil slightly. It should be just enough to cover your entire palms but not too much. You don't want it drippy and gooey.
Now gently lay the entire surface of both your hands on his back (one on the upper back and one on the lower). Start by either using a circular motion on his upper back or lightly slide your hands up and down his entire back and body. Let him tell you what he likes. He may not even have to speak. You might hear him moan or make other noises to let you know he's enjoying himself.
Then try using the outer edges of your hands to either slide them across the skin or to make quick tapping motions all the way up and down his back. Make sure to never tap or put any type of pressure on the spine itself. If he likes this try continuing down to his butt and then his legs. Another fun and effective way to massage his butt is to put one hand on each cheek and move your hands in a circular motion in opposite directions.
You can make circles with the flat parts of your thumbs up and down each side of the spine and back up again. You can either do this simultaneously or one thumb first and then the other quickly after. As you're doing this let your remaining four fingers keep contact with the body as well but focus the pressure with your thumbs. Sliding the flat part of your thumbs up and down the back of the legs feels really nice too. Every now and then slide your fingertips and fingernails lightly across his skin and give him some nice goosebumps. Circular thumb motions with some pressure are wonderful on the hands and feet too.
A stroke that feels nice on the arms is placing one hand on each side of the arm and rub your left hand up while at the same time rubbing down with your right. Don't do the entire arm this way. You want to do short strokes so do either the upper arm or the lower arm separately.
Try some of these different strokes and motions on his head (scalp massage), neck, his side from his armpit down to his hips, inner thighs. Don't forget that this ears, fingers and toes are sensitive places on this body that also respond to your touch.
Remember the first few times you'll need to use process of elimination to see what's pleasurable for your partner and on the flip side he'll need to learn what works for you. After a few times, you'll come to enjoy it so much you might want to make it a permanent part of your romantic life - even scheduling a day or two each month to devote to it. Be open and creative and remember you're learning about each other together and you're bringing your relationship to a new level by perfecting the art of sensual massage and touch.
If you'd like to learn more about sensual massage techniques, there are good books and videos that can be very helpful and easy to understand. One of my favorite books is "Erotic Massage-The Touch of Love" by Kenneth Ray Stubbs, Ph.D. You certainly don't have to attend massage school to give a massage that feels like a professional is doing it. Click Here to buy this book and shop for other sensual massage products.
