Using Pornography to Spice Up a Relationship. Is it a Good Idea?

Pornography and Women

I've met women at my lingerie parties who have shared that they watch X-rated videos with their partners to "spice" up their bedroom activities (consider it another type of sex toy). Not a lot of women have shared this with me, but enough have for me to decide that I should do some research on the subject.

On a personal note, I'm certainly open to trying new things to keep my relationship fresh and sexy. That's what my business is all about! So I'm not against pornography if it's something that effectively works for couples (I think it's great). However, for me personally, viewing pornography with a partner is not something I've had such positive experiences with. Ten minutes into the "show" I find myself snickering and rolling my eyes at how ridiculous and cheesy the videos are. As you can imagine, those reactions are not the ones my partner had in mind when he hit the play button. What a way to kill the mood.

However, after doing some research (which I've found fascinating), it's something I've decided to give another try. I just assumed that all X-rated movies are created equal, but I've read that there are actually some movies that women can enjoy just as much as men. As a rule, men are easier to please when it comes to the types (and quality) of the videos. Most women need a little more than the "run-of-the-mill" porn flicks that are on the market. Let's break this down a little bit. What do women need in order to actually enjoy pornography?

First of all, we like for the "actors" in the videos to look like they're having fun (not bored out of their minds). They need to seem like they're really into each other (yes, this might require some acting skills, but so be it). Is it too much to expect some "sexual" chemistry when we're watching people have sex? We also like the people in the movie to be seductive and attractive.

We need to see at least a tiny bit of a story line (yes there are actually porn movies with plots – go figure). Otherwise, what's the point? We need a little bit of build-up and a lead into that story before seeing the sex (which we expect to be hot and juicy). We understand that it's not going to be an "Oscar-Worthy" production with top-level lighting and clever dialogue; but we do need some illusion that there's a reason these people got together to have sex in the first place.

In other words it needs to be believable. Women enjoy using their fantasy and imagination (which is why they read more erotica than men do). Men are "visually driven" and are typically content with what's happening on-screen as long as there are naked women having sex with someone (or something). This is certainly not a "put-down" towards men. That's just how it is. It's that whole Mars/Venus thing.

Also, we ladies need some variety in our movies. I, for one, get bored easily which can be a problem when watching poorly-done pornography. I mean, honestly, how long can we watch a gal pleasuring a guy orally? I'm always afraid the poor woman in the movie is going to rub her mouth raw (ouch and so not sexy). At some point I'm saying, "okay I get that", now let's move on to something else already. Sheesh!

Sales for quality pornography movies that couples can genuinely appreciate have skyrocketed in the last several years. What does this tell us? It's not that men don't enjoy quality porn but that they just haven't had a lot of it available to them in the past. More women directors have gotten into the business and the movies they work on tend to actually contain quality filmmaking, interesting plots, good acting and great sex (because they understand the concept from a woman's point of view).

Men can certainly benefit from this because their female partners might be more open to experimenting with pornography which only adds excitement and variety in the bedroom. Score!

Should Every Couple Be Watching Pornography?

Whether or not pornography will heighten (or hurt) a couple's sexual enjoyment is up to each couple. It's something that should most definitely be discussed beforehand. As with most things involving couples sexually, communication is essential. If one partner doesn't want to participate, then it's obviously not going to be an enjoyable experience for them. Sometimes talking it over together, though, can lead to a possible compromise and a willingness to at least give it a try (i.e., starting with softer porn movies).

As a rule, it's important that watching pornography is done respectfully and done together. It should be used to add some enjoyment to your sex lives (and to possibly learn new things to try together). Communicate with each other about your likes and dislikes of the movies you watch and acknowledge when the other isn't comfortable with something.

Watching porn can certainly become problematic if one of the partners is sneaking into the basement late at night to watch it alone or if it's affecting the relationship in any negative way. As long as it can be kept as a recreational tool, and not used as a "crutch" (or become an obsession) is can be very valuable in the context of a sexual relationship.

List of Recommended Films

Some of the better porn directors to look out for are Candida Royalle, Nina Hartley, Veronica Hart and Antonio Passolini.

Pornography production studios such Vivid and VCA have bigger budgets, nicer sets, more accomplished actors (at least in the porn arena), decent writers, and directors. So it's not a bad idea to look for movies produced by these companies.

Some of the more recent titles that have been recommended by women are:

• "Fallen" (2008). Done by Award-Winning Director Brad Armstrong
• "Pirates" (2005). This is the most expensive and progressive porn movie ever made.
• "Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge" (2009). Sequel to original "Pirates".
• "The New Romantix" (2009). Max Royale, Director.
• "Triple X Vignettes" (2009). Produced by Astrid Glitter (New Zealand's First Female Porn Producer).