The G-Spot. What, Where and How?
Yes, the mysterious, elusive, puzzling, little spot really does exist. Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t really understand it all because, when you think about it, when do we ever have an opportunity to be correctly and fully educated about it? We certainly didn't discuss it during sex education class.
We hear things about it but we’re not sure what or where it is exactly and what its purpose is. We may hear things like “It’s just a myth”. “Women don’t really have one.” “It’s something that’s fabricated in order to sell sex toys.” In fact, some women are ready to go along with these beliefs because they’ve tried it once (or at least they think they did) and nothing happened.
After reading this information, I hope you’ll understand that all women have one, it’s not a myth and it can, quite possibly, lead to some of the most surprising, exciting, wonderful orgasms you’ve ever experienced. If you have a close girlfriend who has shared her experiences with you, don’t think that what works for her is exactly what’s going to work for you. Quite the contrary. We are all different. She might have experienced hers very easily (maybe even the first time). You might have to put some time and work into your newly-charted adventure. There are no two women alike.
I didn’t experience this type of orgasm for the first time until I was 35 and that’s only because I decided to become a sex educator and do women’s lingerie parties. I wasn’t going to be able to talk very intelligently about g-spots if I hadn’t even found mine. In addition, I did NOT find it the first or second time and that worried me a little. How could I be a sex educator if I didn’t even have one? Well, it’s something that I had to put some definite effort into but I will honestly say, it was toe-curling when it finally happened! Of course, after I experienced it once, it wasn’t so difficult the next time and the next time after that because my body was becoming more familiar with the process and responded accordingly.
I always recommend to women at my parties that they should initially experiment and get acquainted with this part of their body when they’re alone. Get familiar with where it is in your body and experience your sensations when it’s touched and massaged in different ways. Once you’ve mastered it a little more, you will feel more comfortable introducing this new knowledge to your partner.
The reason most women usually do not experience this type of orgasm during intercourse is because of where the g-spot is located in the female body in relationship to the shape of the man's penis. The "spot" is located on the front wall of the vagina and the straight nature of the penis doesn't lend itself to touching the g-spot very easily. Some curvature is required to make contact and most penises either aren't curved at all or if they are, they're not curved in exactly the right way for successful g-spot play. Confused? Read on.
Let’s Get More Familiar With Your Body
First of all, your g-spot is not your clitoris. I’ve had women at my lingerie parties tell me they were under the assumption that the clitoris and the g-spot are the same thing. Not even close. The g-spot is inside your body and your clitoris is on the outside. Most orgasms that women have are directly related to the clitoris.
The g-spot orgasm is so very different. It’s a deep feeling that comes from inside. I’ve had women tell me that it’s like riding a wonderful wave. I’ve had other women tell me that they were reduced to tears (of joy of course) because it was such an amazing and almost spiritual experience for them. You will probably have your own story when you have yours.
You may have heard this type of orgasm referred to as a vaginal orgasm. That’s because the g-spot is located inside the vagina approximately 1-2 inches inside and it’s on the front wall (belly-button side). The g-spot is directly related to the urethra which is a short tube that is connected to a woman’s bladder. This tube is where urine exits her body. The g-spot is actually the tissue that surrounds the urethra. This tissue is glandular and erectile in nature and may be referred to as the urethral sponge, paraurethral glands or Skene’s glands. So why is it called a g-spot? What does the “G” have to do with your body?
Absolutely nothing. It’s called the g-spot only because the name of the doctor who published articles on the erotic possibilities of the urethra was named Ernest Grafenberg, a German gynecologist who was practicing in the 1940’s. But I digress.
In some women the urethral sponge is large, easy to find and stimulate and in others it’s smaller, making it a little more of a challenge to locate it. Again, no two of us are alike. Contrary to what you might have heard it’s not the size of a dime or quarter, the shape of an almond and it’s certainly not a little “easy” button inside your vagina. It’s simply the erectile tissue that wraps around your urethra.
First and foremost, relax, relax, relax and have fun exploring. A good way to begin is to lie on your back on your bed, couch or where you’re most comfortable. Begin by inserting one or two fingers vaginally and begin to run your finger along the top wall under your pubic bone. Make a “come hither” motion and see how that feels. This can be awkward as sometimes your arms don’t seem long enough or it’s difficult to get your fingers in just the right position. Try propping your lower body up on pillows and see if this makes it more comfortable.
You will feel an area of skin that feels bumpier, spongier or more ribbed than the rest of the smooth skin that lines your vaginal walls. This is the spot you’re looking for. Become accustomed to how it feels so you’ll know where to go next time or if you decide to use a toy you’ll know exactly where to put it. Try rubbing it and putting different amounts of pressure on it. This is not a spot where you want to do a thrusting in and out motion. This area responds best to a deep tissue massage type of pressure.
If your fingers just don’t work effectively, you might find it easier and more enjoyable to use a curved g-spot sex toy. Insert it approximately two inches in with the curved tip pointing toward your top vaginal wall. Again, don’t work the toy in and out of your body, but rock it up and down, giving you a firm massaging pressure. If you don’t immediately feel something, don’t stop.
In fact, you might want to use your other hand or a vibrating toy to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. The more aroused your body is, the easier it is to find pleasure with your g-spot. Remember, your clitoris and your g-spot are both erectile tissue. Stimulating the clitoris can get the g-spot excited and vice versa. In fact, if you’re not aroused at all you might end up finding the whole experience just plain irritating. So do whatever relaxes and arouses you. This is extremely important for success.
Some women make sure they have a clitoral orgasm first and then they find that their g-spot becomes more pronounced. Try it and see if it works for you.
After a bit, many women begin feeling the sensation of having to pee. Remember the urethral sponge is closely connected to the bladder so it only makes sense that as the urethral sponge is being stimulated and becomes engorged (which it will do when you become sexually excited) it’s putting pressure against your bladder. Not to worry, you will NOT pee yourself. However, it’s quite possible that you will experience female ejaculation.
Female Ejaculation?
Yes, ladies, we can and do ejaculate, similar to what a man does, either before, during, or even sometimes after, the "Big G" orgasm. Some women produce a few drops and others can produce anywhere from a teaspoon to a quart of “fluid”. This is all very normal and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We ejaculate from the urethra but it is NOT urine. It’s clear (not yellow like urine) and it has either no odor or a very subtle one but it definitely doesn’t smell at all like urine. At first some women get a little “freaked out” thinking they have peed themselves. This is impossible.
Your body is built to either have sex or go pee. The body cannot do both at the same time. Part of the function of your urethral sponge is to swell up and close off your urethra. The same thing happens to men. They cannot go pee when they have an erection.
So, during your g-spot stimulation, when you get to the point where you have to pee (I know I'm talking a lot about peeing but it's crucial to understand this sensation), take a deep breath and keep massaging. Do not stop. Your body won’t betray you and allow you to pee the bed. Stay focused. Some women let this sensation disturb them so they stop at the most important point. If they keep going, that sensation will pass and other g-spot sensations will begin to take over. It’s important to learn to trust your body and work past this.
Once the type of pressure that you find your body responding to is applied for awhile, you should begin to experience an unusual feeling which is quite pleasurable. Some women describe it as a slow and building sensation that continues to come and go in intensity. Again, if you get the pee sensation, don’t stop and don’t panic. Remember to breathe. Take deep breaths both in and out and stay focused. When your orgasm actually happens you might feel a little breathless for a few seconds and then a feeling of euphoria. Work through all this and take your body to new places it’s never been before.
How Long Will the Process Take?
It can definitely take longer to reach orgasm in this manner than it might with a clitoral orgasm. Again, in my experience I found my first few g-spot orgasms to take much longer to achieve. But once I figured out how to do it and once my body got accustomed to these new sensations it became easier. It’s like my body learned what to do. However, it’s not something that you want to rush through. I find a g-spot toy (with a curved tip) much more effective than my fingers (or my partner’s). The key here is constant pressure and I find that my fingers and arms get tired. A toy doesn’t and a toy can give me better and more consistent pressure. It’s quite handy and a wonderful thing.
I hope you’ll do something nice for yourself and your body and give a g-spot orgasm a try very soon. Happy exploring!
