Female Orgasms - How to Achieve Bigger, Better and More

Female Orgasms

What, precisely, is a female orgasm? When women have an orgasm, what is happening in her body is a series of involuntary muscular contractions in her pelvic area. THE STRONGER THESE PELVIC MUSCLES ARE, THE BIGGER AND MORE INTENSE FEMALE ORGASMS WILL BE. Click here to read more about this.

Orgasms are so varied among different women that you might read about them and say to yourself “That’s not what it felt like for me. I wonder if I really did have one after all?” Some women may feel only slight twinges or tremors in their genitals and then others experience mind-blowing, muscle-pumping fireworks. Then, of course, there are all the other women who are somewhere in between these two points on the orgasmic scale. That’s why some women who have only very mild orgasms question if they are even experiencing orgasm at all. Usually, this is caused by having weak pelvic muscles. If you want to learn how to make these muscles stronger to increase your orgasmic sensations, see the link above.

Difficulty in Reaching Orgasm

If you are having difficulties achieving orgasms, you are certainly not alone. Many women experience few, if any, orgasms on a regular basis and, again, the methods that “get us there” are different with each woman as well. A very large percentage of women don’t experience orgasms during regular intercourse. The reason for this is because most of us need some direct clitoral stimulation to bring us to the level of excitement that eventually leads us to the “Big O”. Regular intercourse rarely offers that (unless you’re using a partner toy that provides clitoral stimulation during your penetration).

A smaller percentage of women are very orgasmic when effectively stimulating their g-spot. Click here to read more about your G-Spot.

Last, but certainly not least, there are some women who can bring on an orgasm by engaging and flexing their pelvic muscles either consciously or unconsciously.

Sometimes, a combination of two or three of these methods are what a woman needs. So, again, what works for your friend may be the total opposite of what works for you. In fact, as time goes on, and your sexual experiences change, you might find that what inspired you at one time isn’t what does it for you today.

Let’s Talk About Clitoral Stimulation

It’s true that almost all women need some type of clitoral stimulation to help achieve orgasms. I like to refer to this powerful little female organ as the “Center of the Universe” because it contains thousands of nerve endings (comparable to a man’s penis in this respect) and truly is the center of our pleasure possibilities. Yes, it’s erectile tissue (just like the penis) and becomes engorged with blood when a woman becomes aroused. Much like the penis, if stimulated correctly it can bring on wonderful, delicious orgasms.

I am a firm believer in exploring your body alone to see what works for you and how your body responds to touch and sensation. Then, once you achieve your orgasms in this manner, introduce your new knowledge to your partner. This “alone” time will allow you to focus on yourself and your body without having to remember to please your partner at the same time. If you have difficulties with the concept of touching yourself because of certain fears, insecurities or maybe even religious reasons, please refer to this fabulous book which covers the psychology of overcoming these fears and mental roadblocks so that you can learn to try “self-touch” without hesitation and guilt. The book is entitled Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women

Okay, Let’s Get Started

Set aside an hour or two just for you to explore your body’s sensations and orgasmic responses. You may find that these techniques bring you success on the first try or you also might find that you need to do this over a period of time and several "body exploration” sessions. That’s okay - be patient and loving towards yourself. You are worth the effort.

First of all you are going to need some “sexy” supplies. Go out and get yourself some lubricant, a good-quality vibrator (preferably with multiple speeds) and the appropriate batteries. I think it’s best to find one that can be used for external (clitoral) stimulation as well as insertion. Click here for some ideas. Buy yourself some special items to help get you “in the mood” . What excites you? Is it bubble bath and candles for a nice relaxing time before you get started? Do you enjoy or are you curious about erotic books, cd’s, videos? This is a fun way to explore something new and maybe a little bit naughty to put you in the right frame of mind. You might even want to have some fun with dressing up in a sexy outfit before-hand and checking yourself out in the mirror. I think that’s fabulous if you do!

Once you’re ready to “get down to business” set yourself up in a quiet, non-distracting, comfortable place with some nice, soft lighting. Lie on your back if that’s most comfortable for you with a pillow or two behind you and comfortably spread your legs.

Relax your body, close your eyes, and let your mind wander a little bit. Think about something that turns you on. Maybe a scene in a movie, a chapter from an erotic book or possibly a favorite sexual fantasy that you’ve had for a long time. You might even want to listen to an erotic CD at this time. I really like Nancy Friday’s book entitled My Secret Garden. Reading steamy women’s sexual fantasies is a sure-fire way to get your mental and physical “juices” flowing.

Try to stay focused. This might not be as easy as it sounds. Our busy minds tend to wander but just guide your mind back to the task at hand. Use your imagination – it’s a powerful tool!

Once you start feeling “turned on” or “sexual” it’s time to start touching your body. Remember be gentle at first, especially if this is your first of such experiences. Start by placing a small amount lube on your fingers and apply it to your vulva and your vaginal opening as well. The slipperiness that lube provides is going to make it feel better than your dry finger. Let your fingers linger on both places. Become accustomed to how it feels to touch your body and what your body is experiencing. Now start gently moving your fingers around your vagina and keep exploring.

Begin to flex your pelvis muscles in a rhythmic motion or even rock your pelvis back and forth. Take deeper breaths than usual – making sure you take in only a comfortable amount of air each time (don’t over-do this and make yourself dizzy). What your deep breathing is accomplishing is to pull in as much blood and oxygen into your pelvic muscles as possible. Breathing through your sex play is super important. It provides the oxygen you need to get the absolute best use of your muscles.

By now you should be feeling some type of pleasant sensations in your pelvis (maybe even some you haven’t felt before). It’s time to pick up your vibrator, turn it on low and lay it close to your clitoris or maybe even directly on it. Start by keeping your folds of skin (the clitoral) hood over it to see how sensitive your clitoris actually is. This might be all you can handle or you might find that you want to slowly move the folds of skin away to expose your clitoris for even more vibration. Remember we are all different. If your clitoris is super-sensitive you might even want to leave your panties on when you apply vibrating stimulation.

Continue to flex your muscles and breathe, breathe, breathe. You might have plateau periods which is completely normal as long as it’s feeling good. If you’re so inclined place your vibrator over your vaginal opening and see how that feels. If it’s a good feeling experiment with inserting it in only a few inches at first. Keep going further if you like. Again, if you’re having a fabulous experience keep going.

Remember to focus. Some of you might want to close your eyes and concentrate on what you’re doing and others might want to fully observe what you’re doing and how sexy you look doing it.

If you’re not feeling any sensations the first time, have patience. For some women it takes several times to wake up the body’s nerve endings in this manner (especially for women who have never experienced an orgasm before). Or you might want to experiment with another type of stimulation such as placing your vagina under the bathtub faucet and let the water run over it (remember gently at first). If you need a little “more” , work your way up to the shower head and go through all the different settings. What an adventure that can be!

Multiple Orgasms?

It's possible for some women to have multiple orgasms if you take the time to teach your body how. It's advisable to practice this solo (without your partner) first and then later on teach him what to do. Remember you need to understand your body before you can show your partner what works for you. The most important thing about achieving multiple "O's" is constant stimulation. Most women stop after having their first orgasm because they feel very sensitive and may find it uncomfortable to keep up the same level of stimulation. If they're pleasuring themselves they usually stop immediately after.

But try something different the next time you orgasm. Reduce the level of stimulation (take it down a few notches) instead of stopping completely. Gentle and easy does it! If you're using a vibrator turn the speed down. After several moments you may notice you're feeling aroused again and on your way to Orgasm number two!

Stay Determined

Keep trying if you don’t experience an orgasm the first time. This whole experience may seem a little foreign and strange to you so it might take some mental “getting used to” but again, I can’t stress enough, don’t give up. Once you start experiencing deep, strong orgasms you’re going to be glad you didn’t.