A Woman's Body Image Can Have a Direct Affect on Her Desire to Have Sex

Body Image and Sexual Desire

Most women, at one point in their lives (at least), look in the mirror and are not happy with what they see. We are extremely critical of ourselves and our body-image is at an all-time low. It’s no wonder that we feel this way when the media (TV, movies, magazine covers) has practically thrown it in our faces that ultimate female body should be shaped like a tall boy’s with perfect, melon-sized breasts that don’t dare sag by even a centimeter, which, by the way, is almost a physical impossibility. It’s very twisted and disturbing yet we find ourselves trying to somehow fit into that “perfect body mold” through diets and pills, excessive exercise, plastic surgery and other procedures, as well as all sorts of unhealthy ways to achieve the “super-model” look. The ratio of super-models to regular women is about three million to 10 (yes only 10). That’s how ridiculous this is. We’re driving ourselves crazy with it because we feed into it. Society encourages women to be uncomfortable in their own bodies in order to be hot, sexy, smokin’ or whatever adjective is popular at the time.

So it’s not at all surprising, and a lot of us can personally relate to this, that when we have a poor body image, we don’t have much interest in sex. Even though these insane physical standards are almost impossible to obtain, they somehow become ingrained into a woman’s psyche, which can eventually deplete her self-esteem and her sex drive. What’s interesting (and kind of sad) is that studies have shown that men almost always score their partner’s perceived “attractiveness” much higher than the woman scores her own.

For numerous women, being naked with their partners brings out an insecurity and vulnerability that can ultimately cause problems with intimacy and affect their relationship in a big way. This can even lead to women finding ways to prevent her partner from seeing her naked at all. They find themselves undressing in the bathroom with the door closed or, during lovemaking, making sure they are always covered with the bed-sheets. Or they make sure the lights are out before the clothes come off.

If a woman is self-conscious and negatively concentrating on her body while making love, she’s certainly not thinking about “being in the moment” with her partner. In time, there’s a great chance that she’ll lose interest in sex completely.

Poor body image is NOT something that should be ignored. Especially if it’s having an adverse affect on your relationship. If a woman feels distressed or embarrassed about her physical appearance (or any aspects of her sexuality for that matter), she should do something about it before it reaches undesirable levels of anxiety or shame.

What Can Be Done About Poor Body Image?

There are several avenues to explore. If you feel comfortable talking to your partner about it, then by all means, open up the lines of communication. He may be relieved to find out it’s not him, because a lot of men in this situation entertain this fear. As a result he might be more open to either helping you work through it or trying to find ways to help you overcome it. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing this with your partner, then talk to close friends or family, maybe a doctor or even a therapist. Again, remaining silent will most likely not get you the kind of relief you need and deserve.

Learn to Appreciate Your Body by Changing Your Thoughts About Your Body Image

Change has to start with you. No one else can do it for you. Make up your mind that you’re going to stop giving in to accepted societal ideals and you’re going to reclaim your appreciation for your body just the way it is! This is not to say that you shouldn’t take care of yourself with proper diet, exercise, sleep and positive activities but just know that even so, your body is never going to be perfect. Then learn to love it with all its beautiful imperfections!

Take off your clothes and stand in front of a full-length mirror no matter how uncomfortable this makes you feel at first. Instead of judging, observe your body with compassion. Admire all your curves which include your breasts, stomach, even your butt and thighs. Run your hands over your skin and feel the softness and all the different textures. Really make an effort to appreciate what you see and feel (no negative talk). When you think about it your body is an incredible machine that has done a lot for you and it’s the only one you’ve got girlfriend! Doesn’t it deserve your respect and admiration?

At first this is going to seem really strange and not at all fun but repeat this exercise for several weeks in a row. This is you fighting back and telling yourself that you’re beautiful even with your cellulite or your jiggly thighs or your boobs that aren’t quite as perky as they once were. As a reward, do things to pamper you and make yourself feel good. Splurge on a new, pricey body lotion. Take a long bubble bath with candles. Paint your toenails. Get your hair done. Whatever makes you feel good.

Bodywork

If you still struggle to feel comfortable in your own skin, consider what alternative health practitioners refer to as Bodywork which is a term that describes certain alternative practices of healing/therapy or personal development work that involve some sort of touch. Some women have been known to benefit from these types of treatments by discovering a new sense of their physical self. Some have been able to release their emotional pain, which in turn opens up their desire for physical pleasure. Some examples of these practices are yoga, therapeutic massage, Reiki (a form of energy healing from Japan), acupuncture, chiropractic, physical therapy, breathing work, mind-body centering, etc.

Make sure you find well-respected practitioners of the bodywork discipline. Ask for a referral from a doctor you trust or seek recommendations from family members or close friends. You must be able to have total trust and confidence in the practitioner to get the most from your bodywork sessions.

Relaxation

To enjoy making love, you must be able to relax and give in to the moment. If you’re thinking about all your body imperfections, you’re not thinking about your partner and what you’re experiencing together. You’re not “feeling” and “enjoying” like you should be. When women can’t relax, they are not able to notice the subtle energies and sensations in their bodies which are linked to their sexual desire and response.

Try practicing some form of relaxation technique before making love. This is easier said than done as many of us are not conditioned to truly and totally relax because we have a million things to do and think about. It’s a challenging skill that some of us must learn. Some examples of relaxation techniques might be meditation, full-body muscle relaxation, deep-breathing techniques, and/or guided imagery.

So, ladies, it’s time to take back the power and learn to love your physical self. Removing the negative thought barriers may take some work but the rewards can be great. If you find your sex drive returning along with your enjoyment of being intimate with your partner, isn’t it well worth the journey?